Halfway there and half baked

Week 20 snapshot (and don’t tell me it’s been six weeks since my last post – I keep meaning to do it and then forgetting)

Body image: Amazingly, not bad. Now I have a definite bump to show off I have convinced myself that it makes the rest of me look thinner. Apart from my boobies of course

Hunger rating: 52/10 I’m still troughing and lovin’ it! Unbelievably, have not gained an abnormal amount of weight or contracted gestational diabetes, despite my best efforts. Now pass me that Twix, please, I do not want to have to ask you twice

Missing booze: The occasional G&T or white wine spritzer has crossed my lips…but it’s just not the same any more

Missing fags: Oh jings, it’s been really bad. I think now that I’m feeling good in trimester two I just love the smell. Don’t worry though – no booze means there’s no, “F*ck it, I’ll just have one” attitude – which is my usual downfall when falling off the fags wagon

Classic clumsy preggers move of the month: Carrying a full mug of steaming tea in my left hand into the bathroom to accompany me in my morning ablutions, catching the left sleeve of my bathrobe on the long door handle and spilling the entire volume of hot beverage all over the stack of freshly laundered white towels stored beside the bathroom door. Not  a single drop was spilt on the floor – t’was all absorbed by the fluffy towels. At least I didn’t have to get the mop out

So now that I am officially halfway through my pregnancy (I know – scary, huh?), I thought I would make a list of things that are good about being pregnant. (I’ll list my current raft of complaints at the bottom for you as usual, so don’t worry). Some of you already-a-mummies out there my like to furnish me with some of your own.

Good things about being up the duff (just humour me, please)

1. No hangovers. It’s amazing waking up on a weekend morning after a big night and having loads of energy! To whit, we went for a (typical Dubai) brunch a couple of weeks ago and PD peaked a bit early. He was so “tired and emotional” by 4pm I had to put him in a cab home. I however, had the staying power to go out until 9pm (I know – party ANIMAL!). I went to bed at about 10pm and woke, fresh as the proverbial daisy at about 7am, feeling great! All PD wanted to do was continue sleeping off the ill-advised  lunchtime tequila and eat some bacon

2. Thicker hair (not that I need it, but still) and faster growing nails. I no longer need to weep and wail when I break a talon, knowing it will be back at least two weeks quicker than it would normally

3. People are super nice to you – it’s so weird! Strangers smile at you in the street (actually, maybe the men are only smiling because of the rack), people give up their seats, get out of your way in the supermarket (there’s no need to push people out of the way en route to the biscuit aisle anymore) and no one lets you lift ANYTHING

4. A quicker, faster and more even tan. Now I know that this is bad and all you “oh you must stay out of the sun or you will get cancer” Nazis will be gnashing your teeth and rending you clothes in frustration and disapproval but I promise you that I am NOT sunbathing. I happen to live in a desert climate and it would seem that 30 minutes every morning doing breaststroke laps in the pool in winter is enough to turn me a fetching shade of honey. And no, I’m not going to say whether or not I carefully slather on an SPF cream before I get in that pool all bleary eyed and dry mouthed. All I know is that I’m very pleased to suddenly not be the whitest honky at the pool for a change

5. A new wardrobe – when else in your life is the husband going to agree to you buying an entire season’s worth of clothes? Well maybe not an entire season, but at least when you come out of the bedroom wearing something new you don’t have to justify it!

6. You just feel special. Sounds like a corny thing for cynical me to say here, but it’s true. I continue to be amazed by the fact that I have a little human being growing inside of me, and that human being is exactly half me and half PD – the product of the two of us. It came out of nowhere, and when it arrives, it will be a new person – honestly, the miracle of life is quite staggering

Anyway, before we get too soppy, here’s a list of my latest complaints:

1. If I stand up too quickly, I get a stabbing cramp in my belly because I am wrenching something that is attached that was not there before. Thus, I now have to strategise my moves when I want to get off the sofa to go to the fridge

2. I have spots in annoying places like my neck, my chest and behind my right ear 

3. I can no longer sleep on my back (and I’ve only just gotten over the whole no-stomach-sleeping thing). If I do, I feel sick and, as time goes on, I endanger by mine and my baby’s circulation

4. People keep telling me what I cannot eat. GO AWAY. I am an educated person, I have done my reading, and if I have decided I will eat a peanut I will eat a damn peanut. I may even eat TWO! If my child is unlucky enough to be allergic to them in later life I will save my self-flagellation for then, thanks (sorry KB!)

5. As the permanent designated driver, you get to listen to your car companions’ drunken ramblings and maniacal laughter, smell their boozy breath and give in to their demands to stop at a garage for some cigarettes at 1am (but you also get to decide when it’s time to go home)

We had our 20-week scan at the hospital yesterday with our favourite straight-talkin’ Iranian stenographer. We were very relieved to hear that everything is normal – hurrah! We also had the sex confirmed and yes, she was right when she spilled the beans at week 12, we are going to have a boy!

Until next time. xx

Hello everyone! I still look a bit like an alien - let's hope THAT passes